The power of positive and negative influences in your life.

In the past several weeks I have been reminded several times about the impact of positive and negative influences on our lives.  It can be heard in conversations and seen on peoples faces.  It can even be recognized, to some extent, in e-mail and text conversations.  We have all experienced the effect of being around someone that has a tremendous positive attitude.  They are uplifting and motivational to others around them.  These are the people most of us enjoy being around just because of the way they make us feel inside.  And, we have all experienced being around negative people.  They usually surround themselves with drama and tend to suck the enjoyment out of life.  We usually feel emotionally drained after even a short conversation with them.

In my short 58 years on this earth, I have learned from both education and personal experience that it is much easier to be a person with a negative attitude than a positive one.  It can take real effort at first to keep a positive attitude and outlook on life.  This is not to say that you should never have a down day or even a period in your life that is not pleasant.  Life happens and can create significant stress and unhappiness for all of us.  The loss of a job can cause significant stress and unhappiness.  The loss of a loved one can cause a prolonged period of sadness.  However, events such as these don't need to control our overall outlook on life.  We can still maintain a positive and upbeat attitude in spite of the loss or pain around us if we choose to.  And, it is a choice for most of us.  There are, of course, exceptions to every rule.  For those that may not have the ability to maintain a positive attitude, professional counseling is available to help resolve issues.

The big question is; How do you create and maintain a positive attitude?  The first step is to recognize that you don't have a positive attitude.  If you consistently find the bad or negative in every situation, rarely smile, rarely if ever believe in the best in people or rarely have a kind word to say about anyone or anything, you probably have a negative attitude.  If, on the other hand, you can see the bright side of most situations, often smile, regularly give compliments and usually see the best in people, you probably have a positive attitude.

If you determine that you have a negative attitude and want to make some changes in your life, here are some simple options to consider.  Some of the changes are internal and some of the changes are external.  The internal changes start with a change of mindset and rather than looking for problems, recognize the good (or potential good) in people or situations.  Another common recommendation is to start the day with an attitude of gratitude.  Nothing has a greater impact than starting out your day being thankful for what you have.  If you don't initially see anything to be thankful for, be thankful for the little things in your life.  Or, consider being thankful for the challenges you are facing that will be making you stronger and wiser in the days, weeks or months to come.

External changes can be just as challenging.  It is important to recognize and acknowledge external negative forces in your life.  It could mean changing jobs if you are unhappy with what you are doing for a living or whom you are working for.  It could mean removing "friends" that put an emotional drain on your life.  It could also mean that you have to distance yourself from family if they are a significant negative influence in your life.  While you should never want to intentionally hurt someone, you may need to distance yourself from those that are inflicting physical or emotional harm on you.

Changing from a negative to a positive attitude takes work and a lot of focus at first.  Sometimes this is a minute by minute and hour by hour effort.  As you progress the effort needed will be less and less.  Vigilance must be maintained though because of the ease with which you can slip back into the negative mindset.

The big payoff of a positive attitude is the ability to lead a happier, more enjoyable life.  Be the positive influence in someone's life today!  Share a smile or a kind word with everyone you meet.

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Self-respect: confidence that one deserves love, success and happiness.

Do you believe that you deserve love, success and happiness?  Hopefully your answer is yes.  But if it isn't, why don't you believe you are deserving?  What beliefs do you have that are limiting the quality of love, success and happiness?

Sometimes our self-respect is limited due to deep emotional issues that have not been addressed.  It could be from growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive family.  Maybe it comes from some poor choices of people you date and bad relationships you got into.  It could come from mistakes made at work or even the loss of a job.  Regardless of your situation, building (or rebuilding) your self-respect is necessary to find love, success and happiness.

 In some cases, professional counseling or therapy may be called for.  Other times our limited self-respect can be altered by the words we use.  Many times, just by changing the words we use from negative to positive, we can make a significant change in our lives.  We can change our level of happiness and success and we can change the quality of love in our lives.

Let me give you some of examples of the impact of changing a couple of words can have.  Let's start with the statement "I have to go to work."  As it is phrased, you put yourself in a mindset that you are being forced to do something.  No, you don't have to go to work.  You can stay home, you can play golf, you can go shopping or you can stay in bed all day.  Try changing the statement to "I choose to go to work."  By simply changing one word you can change your attitude and even the way you view your work.  Why?  Because now it is something that you choose to do and are not being forced to do.

Here is another example.  "I'm not smart (pretty, strong, fast, rich or any other word you choose) enough."  Are you sure?   Maybe you are smart enough.  It just takes you more time to find the right answer than other people.  Maybe you are rich enough right now.  You just aren't where you want to be financially.  This just means that you haven't had enough time or found the right resources to create your desired level of wealth.  You get my point.  By shifting your thought process from negative to positive, you create a different outlook on your situation and will start to find better results in whatever you are trying to accomplish.  Again, this can have a big impact on your self-respect.

Finally, let's look at love and the thought "I don't deserve to be loved."  Why don't you deserve to be loved?  Are you evil?  Hateful?  Most likely not!  However, you may have been told by parents or people you respected that you are not worthy of love, that you're not loveable or "who would want to love you?"  If you have hurtful, hateful people in your life, it may be time to do some spring cleaning.  Removing these negative influences and replacing them with positive influencers will go a long way to regaining your self-respect. 

Instinctively, most of know the difference between right and wrong.  When we willfully, violate our instincts, we damage our self-respect.  Staying focused on what is right will build up and re-enforce your self-respect.  The important thing to remember is self-respect doesn't come from outside of us.  All the accolades, rewards, compliments, etc. are only superficial and fleeting.  Self-respect can only come from within.

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Are you prepared for #extraordinary #love?

Who or what defines your relationships?  Is it a romance novel?  A movie?  Society?  Family or friends expectations?  If you don't believe in soul mates or that you can have an extraordinary relationship, what are your limiting beliefs?  What would it take to have everything you want in a relationship?

What does extraordinary love look like?  It is a total commitment to someone other than yourself.  It is being with someone that you cannot imagine being without.  It is sharing the special moments, the highs, the lows and everything in between.  Your mate, spouse, significant other is the first person you want to share anything with.  It is dealing with difficult subjects, not avoiding them.  It is communicating openly and freely without fear of reprisal.  And...it is so much more than words can describe.

What an extraordinary relationship is not!  It is not a relationship that completes you.  You have to be whole before you enter the relationship.  If you rely on someone else to be your whole world, you are setting yourself up for failure.  It is not a 50/50 relationship.  It is a 100/100 relationship.  You each give your all and expect nothing in return.  If you are not both 100% committed to each other then you may want to re-evaluate your relationship and why you are in it. 

Are you prepared to wait for the right relationship?  Because we live in such an immediate gratification society, we have lost our will to wait for the right one.  We often opt to settle for a flawed relationships.  Or, if we can't have it now, we will move on to the next relationship that becomes available instead of giving our potential mate the chance to warm up to the possibilities of exploring a relationship together.  I am finding this very common in men.  We tend to want to move into a relationship much faster than most women.  A study released in 2012 indicates that men are more likely to say "I love you" first, taking an average of 88 days to say it compared to 134 days for women.  If she isn't ready for a full on relationship, we tend to move on without giving her the chance to catch up to us.  This is a huge mistake.  We may be passing up extraordinary because of impatience!

Finally, we have been programed by changing societal standards to believe that we cannot have everything that we want in a relationship.  We are told it is unrealistic, foolish and even selfish to think you can have everything you want in a mate.  We are told that no one is perfect so it is impossible to find your perfect match.  I call BS on all those thoughts.  You can have everything you are looking for as long as you truly know what you want and are willing to wait for the right one.  No one said this would be easy.  But, it is so worth the wait, the frustration and even the loneliness when you finally find that extraordinary relationship.

While you are waiting and searching for your extraordinary relationship, work on being the best you can be.  Be prepared for your extraordinary love by being and extraordinary person.

Feel free to send me your comments or questions.  Please share this post with your friends.