You're not good or good enough for me!

#Advice #Dating #Love #Relationships 

That sounds like a pretty harsh statement, but bear with me. Let me see a show of hands form everyone that has been in a poor relationship. Oh, come one now. Don't be shy! You're among friends and we're not here to judge each other. Now let's see that show of hands again. That's what I thought. Almost everyone here! At some point in time we have all experienced a relationship that was less than great and that is okay, as long as we're not making the same mistakes over and over.

All to often we get into a relationship that we think is really good. We work at it, we struggle with it, we try to make changes to our selves and sometimes to the other person (which usually doesn't last long) and ultimately we find that the relationship is not the right one. It's not satisfying all of our needs. This is the time we need to be honest with ourselves and the person we are with. There are just some relationships that no matter how hard you try to make it work, it's not going to happen.

I deserve someone better! Again, this statement might sound pretty harsh. The reality is, if you are being a mature adult and serious about finding the right relationship for you, this is exactly what you should be thinking when you end a relationship or when you are looking for a new one. And, the other person should be thinking the same thing.

This doesn't mean that either one of you is a bad person. You were both part of the same poor relationship and you both made mistakes. What it does mean is that you both deserve to be with the right person and ultimately both of you will be much happier.

Get rid of the mindset "But, I might not find anyone better." There is always someone new out there that has everything you are looking for. It's a matter of continuing to look until you find him or her. Develop the confidence to say "No" to the wrong relationship! This is an important lesson to learn. Everyday I talk to people that have spent months or years in a relationship that was not satisfying or fulfilling. Life is too short to waste time in a relationship like this.

Finally, learn to be happy in your singleness. When you are happy with you and comfortable being single, it will be much easier to spot the right person when they come along because you won't be making decisions out of desperation and despair.

If you or someone you know has questions about dating or relationships, please send them to me at rick@luv4alifetime.com.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement. He is an astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit from his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. Date consciously and settle for nothing less than extraordinary in your next relationship.

And what about the children?

#Divorce #Dating #Relationships #Love

After a divorce children take sides.  Right or wrong, they feel that one parent is to blame. I know I did it when my parents divorced. I saw it in my adult daughter during and after my divorce and she was a young adult!

It's an incredibly hard time for everyone. Often we are caught up in our own emotions and unwittingly forget the emotions that our children are dealing with. Because of our broken marriage, we are changing their world forever. We have disrupted their family and family life. Unfortunately. children only see or hear part of the story and they have to try to figure out the rest. Usually their assumptions are wrong and it may take years to understand the emotions that you and your ex are/were dealing with.

Never drag your children into the middle of adult problems or issues. They are hurting enough as it is and often think the marital problems are their fault. Make sure you reassure them that they are not the reason you and your ex had problems. Beyond that, there are just some things about how and why your marriage ended that they just don't need to know.

Don't feed your kids negative information about your ex.  Always take the high road. If you have nothing nice to say...don't say it! Your children will ultimately turn on you when they are old enough to figure things out the truth on their own.

After your divorce, there will come a time when you want to start dating again. This can be another source of emotional stress.

DO NOT start dating too quickly after a divorce. You must be emotionally healed from your divorce first. If you start dating too quickly, children can become resentful of your time away from them. Many times they feel they have just lost one parent. They don't want to feel like they are losing you also.

DO NOT introduce your children to anyone you haven't dated for at least six months. This gives you time to see if your potential mate is worthy of a long-term relationship. Then there is the safety issue. Early on in a relationship you don't know if you may be dating a sexual predator, a scammer or someone that is emotionally healthy. Even if your date is a great person, children develop emotional bonds quickly. Bringing your dates home too soon could create an emotional attachment that may soon be broken. It is also not healthy for your children to see a revolving door of dates coming in and out of their lives. It will give them an unhealthy perspective of what relationships should look like.

Depending on your circumstances, sometimes waiting to date until the children are grown and out of the house may be the best option. This can be difficult for some, easier for others. It is never a bad thing to focus your free time and attention on your children and participate in their lives in a healthy way. This doesn't mean becoming their best friend. It just means you will be there for them and their activities.

Divorce is difficult on everyone. Don't compound the problems by ignoring your children's emotional needs.

If you or someone you know has questions about dating or relationships, please send them to me at rick@luv4alifetime.com.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement. He is an astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit from his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. Date consciously and settle for nothing less than extraordinary in your next relationship.

A time to re-evaluate. #Dating #Livinglife #Love #Relationships

It is typical for most of us to start the new year with resolutions (most of which we never keep) and to look forward to the opportunity to start a new year with a fresh outlook. What I have come to discover, at least for me, is that January is one of the best times to re-evaluate. At this time we are through all the hustle and hassle of the holidays and year-end projects that need our focus and attention.

Sometimes you just need to take a break to delve deep into your soul to figure out what you really want. You have to step back from all the hub-bub and stress of daily life to make sure you haven't lost yourself in all the trappings of what we are told we should and shouldn't be, what we should and shouldn't do and where we should or shouldn't go.

I've recently been given a great opportunity to step back and reflect on who I am and who I want to be. I found that I have been doing some things for the wrong reasons. Although, they were good reasons, my choices ultimately were not bringing me the satisfaction I seek. What I discovered was a lack of integrity in my personal life. I was not being honest with myself so I couldn't be honest with others closest to me. That was a very big pill to swallow and wasn't very tasty.

When we are not honest with ourselves, we cannot be honest with anyone else, especially those closest to us. When we do get honest with ourselves it frees us to make the best decisions for us. These decisions could impact anything from work to relationships to lifestyle and anything else you can think of. We get to ask and evaluate if we are doing the right things for the right reasons. If the answer is no, then we may have some hard decisions to make. The key is to have the courage and integrity to make the right decisions for you.

Why is this important? These are the decisions that can impact the quality of life we live, not only today but for years to come. Hopefully, these can be the decisions that we will look back on proudly and thankfully in our twilight years. 

We all have the opportunity to take a fresh look at our lives daily. Each day is an opportunity to make a positive change to move us in the direction we truly want to go. What decision will you make today that changes the quality of your life for the better?

If you or someone you know has questions about dating or relationships, please send them to me at rick@luv4alifetime.com.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement. He is an astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit from his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. Date consciously and settle for nothing less than extraordinary in your next relationship.

Trust 
a :  assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b :  one in which confidence is placed

#Dating #Love #Relationships #Trust

These are common definitions of the word Trust. Trust is a key component in any relationship whether it is a romantic relationship, a causal friendship or a business relationship. For most people, trust has to be earned over time. To earn trust, words and actions must be congruent and consistent. If they aren't, trust is difficult, if not impossible, to develop.

Once trust is broken, it is extremely difficult to rebuild. I've recently read a quote, the author of which escapes me. It goes something like this; Trust is like a sheet of paper. Once it's crumpled, it can never be perfect again. Relationships are the same way! When trust is violated, no matter what you do to try to work things through and smooth things over, it's never quite the same again.

I am always amazed by people who have had their trust broken on multiple occasions and yet will still go back to the person that has violated their trust. From the prospective of a romantic relationship, if you are the recipient of this forgiveness, you are blessed, however undeserving you might be. If you are the one that continually has your trust broken, why are you so willing to overlook the past?

This willingness to repeatedly overlook broken trust issues may also be a sign of a dysfunctional relationship. Do you really need a relationship so badly that you are willing to give up your self-respect to try to keep the relationship alive?

Relationships cannot function properly without trust. Can trust be rebuilt after it has been broken? Absolutely, but it takes a lot of work. These questions come to mind at this point. What is missing in the relationship that causes one or both to violate the others trust? If there is something missing, is it worth the effort to invest any more time to try to salvage it? This is where we have to dig really deep to ask ourselves the hard questions and be brutally honest with each other.

If you or someone you know has questions about dating or relationships, please send them to me at rick@luv4alifetime.com.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement. He is an astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit from his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. Date consciously and settle for nothing less than extraordinary in your next relationship.

What does a dating coach do?