Defining Moments!

#Dating #Love #Loveforalifetime #Relationships

Most relationships have defining moments. Some of these moments are life changing and some are not. They can take a relationship form poor to good, from good to great, or from great to extraordinary. They also have the potential to end a relationship. First, let's explore the meaning of a "defining moment". Dictionaries explain it this way.

• A moment in time that defines something, such as a person's success or failure, achievement or demise, talent, etc. 
• A point at which the essential nature or character of a person, group, etc., is revealed or identified.

As we look at these definitions, think of some "defining moments" that you have experienced. A couple that come to mind for me are death of a loved one, illness, and job loss. Others that may be less traumatic, but still significant defining moments might be getting caught in a lie, cheating, or stealing. These are but a few of the possibilities for defining moments. Each situation brings its own special challenges to a relationship. How each of person responds will help determine the success or failure of that relationship.

How do you handle any of these situations? Do you withdraw, become quiet, and keep your feelings and emotions to yourself? Or, do you open up and share what you are going through and what you might need in the form of support from your mate? If you did something that hurt your mate or violated their trust, intentionally or not, are you mature enough to admit your wrong doing, make the necessary changes to your life and work on rebuilding or repairing your relationship? Do you deny any wrong doing and blame your partner? Or, do you just walk way and not address the issues? The way you handle these issues will show whether you have strong moral character and your level of emotional maturity.

As the partner of someone going through some of these issues, are you supportive and comforting or do you walk away and leave your mate to take care of themselves? If you have been hurt, are you willing to talk about the issues are do you walk away from the relationship?

I'm not here to tell you what to do or how to respond. I'm here to tell you that what you do and how you handle any given situation can be the difference between success (not without struggle) or failure of a relationship. How you react will demonstrate your moral character and level of emotional maturity. Are you going to stick it out, be supportive and work at making your relationship better, or are you going to give up and walk away?

I have only scratched the surface about relationship issues. Only you can determine whether your relationship is worth working on and fighting for. In many situations there comes a time when you have done all that you can do and it's time to walk away. When is that time? That is for you to decide. I will tell you that if physical or emotional abuse is involved, you need to walk away! If lying, manipulation or some form of codependency is involved, you should walk away. These are all forms of toxic relationships. Any form of toxic relationship that you may be involved in is one you should walk away from.

Don't hang on and try to fix or change someone. It doesn't work. You are wasting your time. It's time to move on.

If your situation is one of dealing with the stress of an unusual situation such as death, illness or job loss, be as supportive and understanding as you can. If the relationship was a good one, invest the time and effort to help your mate deal with their issues. It will strengthen your relationship in the long run.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Rick Soetebier is an Author, Blogger, Speaker and Dating Coach. He has been a student of self and relationship improvement for more than 28 years. He is an astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit from his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. Date consciously and settle for nothing less than extraordinary in your next relationship.

The Power of Our Beliefs!

#Dating #Love #Loveforalifetime #Relationships

Over the past couple of weeks I've had the pleasure to lead or be a part of several singles groups. One of the recurring themes is that 'we cannot have everything we want in a relationship'. I've heard repeated stories of people that grew up with parents that were madly in love, never fought (at least in front of the children), and actually had a child-like playfulness to their relationship. These stories are consistently followed up by the statement that "These types of relationships don't exist anymore." and "That kind of love just can't be found anymore."

These statements make the assumption that all the good men and women are taken and that you can't possibly find the love you are looking for. If you believe that extraordinary love just doesn't exist anymore, maybe you're right. Let's just assume for a minute that you believe this. How does that make you feel knowing that you will never experience the love of your life? I don't know about you, but that sounds pretty depressing to me.

Now, indulge me for a minute. I know you're right, real love can't possibly exist in today's society! We all believe what we believe for a reason. In spite of seeing what a great relationship should look like as you grew up, you have had some bad experiences with relationships. You've been burned! You've seen your friends go through bad relationships. So now, because of what you have experienced both personally and through conversations with others, you have formed this belief that there is no such thing as a great relationship anymore. You have to settle for what you can find and hope for the best. Is this a pretty good illustration of what your relationships are all about?

For those of us that grew up in dysfunctional homes (which is about 85% of us), relationships are just as challenging and sadly we never got to experience the joy of seeing our parents deeply in love.

A change of perspective

Now, let's look at love and relationships from a different perspective. What would you have to believe for extraordinary love to exist? What conditions would have to exist for you to believe it is out there and waiting for you? If extraordinary love did exist and you were sure there was someone out there just for you, how would that make you feel?

"If you think you can or you think you can't, you're right!" ~ Henry Ford

Our beliefs will help us succeed or help us fail at almost anything in life. More times than not it's our beliefs that stand in our way of success at anything; business, relationships, or love! Simply by shifting your belief system from one of scarcity to one of abundance you can start to experience greater happiness and contentment than ever before.

With the limited space we have here, it's not easy to explain how to make this shift. It can be done and is not that difficult once you understand the process and apply it. The key is to fundamentally shift your thinking to change your current set of beliefs. Understand that everything may not be as it appears. Armed with different information, new beliefs, and a willingness to be open to new possibilities will help you advance your dating and relationship life.

If you have not had the privileged to experience an extraordinary relationship, maybe it's time to take and inward look to re-evaluate your personal beliefs. Are they limiting you and your success with relationships?

If you would like to learn more about changing your beliefs about dating and relationships, please contact me at rick@luv4alifetime.com.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Rick Soetebier is an Author, Blogger, Speaker and Dating Coach. He has been a student of self and relationship improvement for more than 28 years. He is an astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit from his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. Date consciously and settle for nothing less than extraordinary in your next relationship.