Silly question right? On the surface you might think so. But, I recently had a conversation with two women that had gone through rough divorces. Neither one is truly ready to start dating seriously yet. Neither one is ready to trust a man in her life. Yet, they are both looking forward to a time when they will be married again.
Be emotionally ready to date. If you are still hurting from a bad or unexpected divorce, it's probably not a great time to re-enter the world of dating. Dating can be tough enough without bringing negative thoughts and emotions to the table. There is not much worse than sitting though a conversation with someone that can do nothing but run down their ex spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. Work through these emotions first before you start to date. If you doubt me, think about some of the horror stories you've heard from your single friends about the date that couldn't stop talking about their ex. It is not a pleasant experience.
Don't force dating. If you're not ready, you're not ready. We all have friends and family that want to see us happy and most of them think that you need to be in a relationship to be happy. This is very kind and very wrong. Most of us know when we are ready to start dating again. The anger, hurt or pain of the loss of a marriage or relationship will eventually subside and you will want to start going out and doing things with other people. If you are especially gun shy, start with group dating. It is a great way to socialize, get comfortable talking to members of the opposite sex in a generally none threatening way. As you become more comfortable, then move onto one-to-one dating.
Dating is like building muscle. The more you do it, the stronger you become. I've heard from so many people that they don't like to date because it takes so much effort, they are tired of bad dates, they are tired of first dates, there are no good men/women to date, etc. Most people don't like to exercise either. Just the mention of the word turns most people off. But, the reality is, you need to exercise to build muscle. The more you exercise, the stronger you get. Dating is no different. You need to do it regularly to become stronger and better at it. The better you become at anything, the easier it is to do.
Don't make your first date a dinner date or an event date. Meet for coffee or a casual drink. If you don't feel a connection and things aren't going well, it is much easier to excuse yourself and end the date early. Meeting this way is usually much easier, less expensive and still leaves the door open to spend more time with someone if you do feel there is a connection.
Make dating fun. This includes making it fun for your date as well as yourself. Dating is about getting to know someone else. Don't dominate the conversation by talking about yourself and your interests. Share the time together. Ask questions and LISTEN to the answer. Look at each first date as a new adventure. Some adventures are going to be more fun than others. Each date presents the opportunity to meet someone new. It is an opportunity to learn something new about someone else and about yourself. It builds up your experience bank and the more deposits you make in your experience bank the more you have to draw on to be a great date even if you are only dating casually.
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ReplyDeleteThank you very much Sridhar. I'm grateful that you enjoy my posts.
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