It's the simple things that matter!

One of the things we often fail to recognize is that it's the simple things that can make the greatest impact in a relationship.  Things like a phone call in the middle of the day to say Hi, holding hands, a hug.  Even simple things like taking out the garbage without being asked, putting dirty clothes in the hamper or folding clean clothes and putting them away have a great impact.

None of these things is a big deal in and of themselves.  It is the message they convey that makes them a big deal.  And this message says "I care."  There is nothing more important than letting those around you know that you care.  You don't have to do special things for someone everyday, but it's nice.  It is the random acts of kindness that can also have the biggest impact on someone's day.  In addition, a smile can mean more to someone than you will ever possibly know.

The really great thing about doing any little act of kindness for someone else is the impact that it has on you!  How often have you done a "good deed" or complimented someone and then walked away feeling better because you brightened their day?  The little acts of service or gestures of kindness are incredibly powerful for strengthening any relationship.

What have you done today to make someone's day brighter?

Have you ever thought about setting an audacious relationship goal?

I have never looked at it in that way before, but inadvertently that is exactly what I have done.  What is an audacious goal?  Well, really, that is up to each of us individually.  In general it is a goal that will make us think, work harder than we have ever worked, be more focused than we have ever been before and not accepting anything less than total fulfillment of our goal.

Is it realistic to think that you can have an audacious relationship goal.  Probably not...unless you are very serious about achieving it.  One of the truly important things about setting any goal, whether it is personal or business, is that you need to stay focused on the end result.  You also need to enjoy the journey you are on while working toward your goal.  When you lose focus or are distracted, it is easy to get off track and settle for results that are less than audacious.

It is important to remember that your goal is your goal and nobody else's.  You are going to have outside influences that are going to try to distract you.  They will tell you that you can't have everything you want in a relationship.  Your expectation is unrealistic.  You are living in a fantasy world.  You're looking for perfection and nobody is perfect.  How do I know?  I have had these very things said to me.  Do these people distract me?  Of course they do...for a short period of time.  Then I think about my happiness and what's important to me and I get focused again.  I'll even admit that from time to time I question my relationship goal.  And then, I always revert back to what will make me the happiest.  Will settling for less than extraordinary make me happy?  No, never.  Settling will only create short-term comfort and long-term unhappiness.

It is this simple.  Decide what your audacious goal is.  Determine what is necessary for you to achieve this goal and focus your efforts on achieving it.  Dating is an adventure.  Enjoy the journey!  If you want more information about my dating coach services, help figuring out or reviewing your audacious relationship goal or to schedule a free 30 minute consultation with me, send an e-mail to info@luv4alifetime.com. 

Oh, what is my audacious goal?  I want to be 1/2 of that couple that every couple strives to be.  You know the one; the couple that will still be holding hands as they shuffle down the street when they are 95 years old.

What is your audacious relationship goal?

Why do we hang on to relationships that are toxic at worst or poor at best?

In my study and observation of all types of relationships over the years, I find that people hang on to a poor relationship far too long.  The ultimate question that arises is "Why?"  There are probably as many superficial answers to this question as there are people asking it.  Some of the more common answers are: "I don't want to hurt her/his feelings."  "But, deep down he/she is a good person." "He/She has some great qualities that I really want in a relationship."  "I love his family and they love me."  "We are comfortable together."  Feel free to add your own response to this list.

Ultimately, the primary decision to stay in a poor relationship is fear...the fear of being alone!  This fear is so strong that it can hold two people together for years.  We justify our staying by telling ourselves (and others) that "I will never find someone better."  "But, I love him/her."  "I just want someone to do things with."  These relationships give us something that we are afraid we will not find anywhere else.  It keeps us entwined in a downward spiraling relationship that eventually drains us of almost all the love we have to give.

There is also the secondary issue of pain.  Nobody wants to hurt someone else or to be hurt.  So, it is easier to stay because the pain of staying appears to be less than the pain of leaving.  In reality, by staying, we remain in a constant numbing pain.  When we leave a poor relationship, the pain spikes for a short time, but then starts to diminish as time passes.  We have all experienced this at one time or another.  The greater our emotional attachment to someone, the greater the short-term pain is.  The key words here are "short-term".  This is only a temporary situation.  It is something we will all get past.

The other key factor here is that as long as our emotions are linked to a poor relationship, we are not free to seek an extraordinary relationship.  We are not emotionally available.  So, if we are not emotionally available, our soul mate can walk into our lives and walk right back out again because we are not ready.  Even if we break off our poor relationship today, we still need time to heal.  The more emotionally invested we are in a relationship, the longer it takes us to heal.

Dealing with the realities of a poor relationship can be difficult.  Often times we just want to ignore the obvious, avoid the pain and hope everything will get better...someday.  This is a great time to ask for help.  Just like professional athletes, business leaders, and anyone else that wants to get better at what they do or improve their life, there is a time to seek advice from a coach.  Seeking professional help from a dating or relationship coach can help you see things in your relationship from a different perspective.  A good coach will help you recognize your strengths as well as areas for improvement and help you create a plan to move forward.

If you would like information about our services or would like to schedule a free 30 minute phone consultation, please call (816) 265-0158 or send aninfo@luv4alifetime.com.
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Share your thoughts with us.  What is keeping you from finding your extraordinary relationship?

Can you be too picky?

When I visit with people that have been single for a while, one of the most common remarks I hear is "Maybe I'm being too picky."  The world view today is that it is unrealistic to think that you can have all of the characteristics you are looking for in one person.  I totally disagree with that idea.  Your ideal mate may not have the exact hair and eye color you want, but important characteristics like values, morals, intelligence, spirituality, physical attraction, and other personal traits should not be compromised.  If you make your list of Must Haves and ignore any item on that list, you are settling for less than extraordinary.

It takes effort to find the right one.  You cannot expect Mr. or Ms. right to come along while you're at home sitting on the couch.  You need to put in some effort.  You need to be actively seeking your mate.  How?  By going out and doing activities you enjoy, attending social events, joining an on-line dating site, etc.  You need to take an active roll in your search for a mate.  Do not wait to accept a date with someone until you are absolutely positive they are the right one.  That is something you can only determine by dating and spending time with a person.

It takes patience to wait for the right one.  After becoming single, many of us think that it will be easy and quick to find our next mate.  Most of us are surprised to be single after the first year.  Personally, I thought that within nine months I would be with my soul mate.  Five years later, I'm still looking.  Don't be in a hurry to jump into a relationship just to avoid being alone.  Learn to become independent.  Have someone in your life because you want them, not because you need them.  There is a huge difference between the two.

It takes determination to not settle for less than the right one.  In today's society, we often want immediate gratification.  We are willing to settle for something that is okay, not great, not extraordinary.  One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that it is easier to deal with loneliness from time to time than it is to deal with the heartache and negative emotions that come from staying in the wrong relationship too long.  When you recognize that the relationship is not right, don't persist and try to make it right.  You will only end up disappointed and have wasted precious time chasing the wrong relationship.  It is also important to remember that while you are emotionally attached to the wrong person, you have no possibility of finding the right one.

In the end, only you can decide who is right for you.  Take an active roll in your search for your extraordinary mate.  Be patient and don't settle for less than all of your Must Haves.

If you want to know more about dating, creating your Must Have list or other relationship questions, feel free to post your questions here or contact me directly at rick@luv4alifetime.com.  If you would like to learn more about upcoming seminars on dating, go to http://luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html