In my study and observation of all types of relationships over the years, I find that people hang on to a poor relationship far too long. The ultimate question that arises is "Why?" There are probably as many superficial answers to this question as there are people asking it. Some of the more common answers are: "I don't want to hurt her/his feelings." "But, deep down he/she is a good person." "He/She has some great qualities that I really want in a relationship." "I love his family and they love me." "We are comfortable together." Feel free to add your own response to this list.
Ultimately, the primary decision to stay in a poor relationship is fear...the fear of being alone! This fear is so strong that it can hold two people together for years. We justify our staying by telling ourselves (and others) that "I will never find someone better." "But, I love him/her." "I just want someone to do things with." These relationships give us something that we are afraid we will not find anywhere else. It keeps us entwined in a downward spiraling relationship that eventually drains us of almost all the love we have to give.
There is also the secondary issue of pain. Nobody wants to hurt someone else or to be hurt. So, it is easier to stay because the pain of staying appears to be less than the pain of leaving. In reality, by staying, we remain in a constant numbing pain. When we leave a poor relationship, the pain spikes for a short time, but then starts to diminish as time passes. We have all experienced this at one time or another. The greater our emotional attachment to someone, the greater the short-term pain is. The key words here are "short-term". This is only a temporary situation. It is something we will all get past.
The other key factor here is that as long as our emotions are linked to a poor relationship, we are not free to seek an extraordinary relationship. We are not emotionally available. So, if we are not emotionally available, our soul mate can walk into our lives and walk right back out again because we are not ready. Even if we break off our poor relationship today, we still need time to heal. The more emotionally invested we are in a relationship, the longer it takes us to heal.
Dealing with the realities of a poor relationship can be difficult. Often times we just want to ignore the obvious, avoid the pain and hope everything will get better...someday. This is a great time to ask for help. Just like professional athletes, business leaders, and anyone else that wants to get better at what they do or improve their life, there is a time to seek advice from a coach. Seeking professional help from a dating or relationship coach can help you see things in your relationship from a different perspective. A good coach will help you recognize your strengths as well as areas for improvement and help you create a plan to move forward.
If you would like information about our services or would like to schedule a free 30 minute phone consultation, please call (816) 265-0158 or send aninfo@luv4alifetime.com.
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Share your thoughts with us. What is keeping you from finding your extraordinary relationship?
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