Can you be too picky?
When I visit with people that have been single for a while, one of the most common remarks I hear is "Maybe I'm being too picky." The world view today is that it is unrealistic to think that you can have all of the characteristics you are looking for in one person. I totally disagree with that idea. Your ideal mate may not have the exact hair and eye color you want, but important characteristics like values, morals, intelligence, spirituality, physical attraction, and other personal traits should not be compromised. If you make your list of Must Haves and ignore any item on that list, you are settling for less than extraordinary.
It takes effort to find the right one. You cannot expect Mr. or Ms. right to come along while you're at home sitting on the couch. You need to put in some effort. You need to be actively seeking your mate. How? By going out and doing activities you enjoy, attending social events, joining an on-line dating site, etc. You need to take an active roll in your search for a mate. Do not wait to accept a date with someone until you are absolutely positive they are the right one. That is something you can only determine by dating and spending time with a person.
It takes patience to wait for the right one. After becoming single, many of us think that it will be easy and quick to find our next mate. Most of us are surprised to be single after the first year. Personally, I thought that within nine months I would be with my soul mate. Five years later, I'm still looking. Don't be in a hurry to jump into a relationship just to avoid being alone. Learn to become independent. Have someone in your life because you want them, not because you need them. There is a huge difference between the two.
It takes determination to not settle for less than the right one. In today's society, we often want immediate gratification. We are willing to settle for something that is okay, not great, not extraordinary. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that it is easier to deal with loneliness from time to time than it is to deal with the heartache and negative emotions that come from staying in the wrong relationship too long. When you recognize that the relationship is not right, don't persist and try to make it right. You will only end up disappointed and have wasted precious time chasing the wrong relationship. It is also important to remember that while you are emotionally attached to the wrong person, you have no possibility of finding the right one.
In the end, only you can decide who is right for you. Take an active roll in your search for your extraordinary mate. Be patient and don't settle for less than all of your Must Haves.
If you want to know more about dating, creating your Must Have list or other relationship questions, feel free to post your questions here or contact me directly at rick@luv4alifetime.com. If you would like to learn more about upcoming seminars on dating, go to http://luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html
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