I'm old-school when it comes to #dating! #Love #Relationships

Recently I was on a local TV morning show panel and the question of who should pay for the date came up. The other two gentlemen on the panel agreed that the lady should pay her half. I disagree and believe that men should pay at least until you are in a monogamous committed relationship.

I Believe:

I believe that a man should hold the door open for his date (and every other woman for that matter) as a sign of respect. I've heard horror stories from men opening doors for women only to be publicly shamed by her because she can do it herself!

I believe that a man should pay for the date until you are in a monogamous relationship. Ladies, its nice if you offer to pay for at least part of the date, but you should expect him to pay. This too is a sign of respect for the lady. Note: If you are just friends and dating casually, then it could be appropriate for the lady to pay for her part.

I believe that the lady should be seated at the table first and that the man should stand whenever she leaves or returns to the table.

I believe that the man should walk on the street side of the woman to protect her from traffic, water/mud splashing, etc.

Societal Changes

In the past 50 years or so, men have lost their way. Societal changes have caused men to become confused about their role in a relationship. We have been told that women can do everything on their own and don't need a man. If a woman wants a man, he has to be able to show emotion...his softer feminine side. Yet, in her very next breath she will complain that there are no manly men left. Hmmm! I wonder why!

For lack of better terms, men have become lazy. not necessarily willfully but because of confusion. Men are supposed to be the strong protectors and providers yet have a soft emotional side. Most of today's men have lost the knowledge of how to be a gentleman. Fathers have given up trying to figure out what women want and consequently have stopped teaching their sons how to treat a woman.

Women have become lazy also. They have been told they should do everything for themselves and consequently have stopped expecting men to be gentlemen. Yet, I have only met one woman that argued with me about opening her door. She had not been raised to understand that it is a sign of respect. Most women I know have to be asked to wait for the door to be opened for them.

Finally, men, if you want to attract a higher quality woman in your life, learn to act like a gentleman. There are plenty of resources on-line to help you. I'm convinced that if you act like a gentleman and treat her like a lady, you will win her heart faster than any good looks, smooth talk or gifts ever will,

If you or someone you know has questions about dating, please send them to me at rick@luv4alifetime.com.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement. He has become an astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit from his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. Date consciously and settle for nothing less than extraordinary in your next relationship.

What signals are you sending to the opposite sex? #Dating #Love #Relationship

In the past couple of weeks I've come upon several situations that have me thinking about how we come across to the opposite sex. What message are you telegraphing to a potential mate when you tell him/her that you think you have the potential for a great romance when you have only spoken casually at a social event? What message are you telegraphing when you have only shared a couple of texts or a short phone call and you start to laying out how your relationship should work?

Both of the situations above are real. The first happened to a lady friend of mine. She met a "gentleman" at a social gathering and they talked for a few minutes and that was about all. In the next six weeks he found her on Facebook and started messaging her. While his messages were not threatening in any way, they were creepy! He started out by telling her he thought they would make a great couple and how wonderful it would be. She politely told him that she didn't find the same attraction and that she was too busy for a relationship at this time. After a couple of unanswered messages, he tried to video call her on Facebook at 2:30 AM. To make a long story short she ultimately had to block him from further contact. The man in this situation thought so highly of himself that he wouldn't take "No" for an answer. He gave no consideration to her wants, needs and desires.

The second situation resulted when a woman contacted a man on a dating website. In her first e-mail she suggested that they start texting. He reluctantly gave her his phone number with the condition that they talk rather than text. The subsequent phone conversation started out fairly normal by asking and answering questions. But, as the conversation progressed, the woman started to grasp at things in common to prove that there were significant common interests. The next evening the woman texted laying out her plan for developing a relationship. Without a response to the first text, the woman sent a second text outlining in even more detail her plans to date the man. He quickly ended the conversation with a text saying he wasn't interested. In this situation, she came across as desperate for a relationship.

In the first situation, the man failed to listen to the woman and assumed that he was a great match and that he would prove it if she just gave him a chance. In the second situation, the woman failed to ask the man if he was interested in a relationship. Both situations demonstrate failed communication. Both situations illustrate narcissism on the part of the pursuer. It was all about their wants, needs and desires with no consideration of what the other person wanted.

When you are meeting someone new, are you taking the time to get to know them and what they want? Or, is it all about you and what you want? Most people that read this will say that's not me. But, I guarantee you, almost everyone of us has done this to some extent at some point in our lives. Hopefully we have learned from our mistakes. If not, it's time to take a look inward and see if you can develop better communication skills and better people skills to become a better, more attractive you.

If you or someone you know has questions about dating, please send them to me at rick@luv4alifetime.com.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement. He has become an astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit from his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. Date consciously and settle for nothing less than extraordinary in your next relationship.

Making the #effort is the difference between #success and #failure of any #relationship. #Love #Dating

Are you attracted to someone? Are they attracted to you? Is there a possibility of a relationship? These are the golden questions! We all have the possibility for many relationships. Most often they don't work out because of some missing element needed for an extraordinary relationship. Sometimes its the fact that there are deal breakers that get in the way. Today, lets talk about the effort necessary to make a relationship work.

A romantic relationship is a two way street with a give and take from both people. When only one is vested in the relationship, you are in for some major hurdles.

Defining the two way street can sometimes be difficult. Is it one or two lanes that run in both directions? Or, is it six lanes in one direction and only one lane in the other? Do you expect your partner to put in all the effort to build, grow and maintain the relationship? Is this something that the two of you have discussed and agree to do or is it implicitly expected? This is where great communication comes in. You both need to share your ideas and expectations of what a great relationship should look like.

Threshold of rejection.
There comes a point in time for everyone that enough is enough. You can only ask for a date so many times and be told that he/she already has plans. You can only try to be a part of someone's support system and be rejected so many times. Some people have higher thresholds of rejection than others. However, there comes a point in time when even the most persistent person will throw their hands up in frustration and say "I've had enough."


Some people just don't get it!
It is incredibly difficult for anyone to maintain interest in a relationship when your potential mate is too busy with work, friends and/or having fun to invest time in the relationship. Relationships cannot be built on an hour (or less) a week of together time. They take time to nurture and grow. You have to communicate your relationship expectations to your mate. Either they get it or they don't! There comes a point where you just have to walk away from someone that doesn't have the time for you.

Taking responsibility.
One of the hardest things to do for many people is to take responsibility for their part in a failed relationship. Responsibility is not always a 50/50 issue. Sometimes it is a 90/10 split. Regardless of the percentage, there are always two people in the relationship and two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle is the truth. Learn to accept your responsibility, learn from your mistakes and make a better effort next time.

If you or someone you know has questions about dating, please send them to me at rick@luv4alifetime.com.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement. He has become an astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit from his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. Date consciously and settle for nothing less than extraordinary in your next relationship.

The 5 Biggest Mistakes Singles Make When Dating. 
#Dating #Love #Mistakes #Relationships #Singles 

There are plenty of mistakes that singles make when we are dating. Some of them are bigger than others. Here are 5 that I see frequently with my clients and workshop participants. These are in no particular order of commonality or importance.

1. Not knowing what you are looking for in a relationship. This is by far one of the most common mistakes people make. The want to date; they want to be in a relationship, but they don't know whether they want just a casual friendship or something more permanent. Beyond that, most people only have a vague idea about the characteristics that are important to them in their next mate. To find a great relationship, you have to be clear about what you want before your start looking!
2. Settling for less than you would like in a relationship. Society, as well as friends and family, tell us that we can't have everything we want in a relationship. Anyone that tries is unrealistic and is dreaming. This just isn't true! We can have everything we want in a relationship as long as we are willing to put in the time and effort necessary to find it. You have to set higher standards for yourself and your mate. It's as simple as that. 
3. Failing to recognize red flags of poor relationships. This is a really important mistake that most people make. When we are in a relationship, especially a new relationship, we are usually blinded by infatuation and the excitement of someone new. That is one of the reasons it is so important to know what you are looking for in a mate before you start to date. Knowing the type of relationship you want and what your Must Haves and Deal breakers are will help you temporarily step back from the infatuation and recognize the potential problems you face long before you invest a significant amount of time, energy and emotion in a relationship that isn't right for you.
4. Not being mature or strong enough to walk away. We all need to be adults and make adult decisions. If you see a relationship isn't right then don't stick around to see if something or someone will change. Odds are, that will not happen. You can try to change some, but the changes are usually only temporary and the person you try to change becomes resentful. Just because someone is not a good match doesn't make either one of you a bad person. It just means you are not right for each other. One of the great excuses is "I don't what to hurt his/her feelings." You need to be mature enough to recognize the situation for what it is and move on before you invest too much time and too many emotions. This is something that will not get better with time. Make the best decision for both of you. 
5. Not knowing what a great relationship should look like. Depending on the studies you look at, an average of only about 20% of marriages that last are strong healthy relationships. That means that most of us grew up in families that are dysfunctional in some way. That also means that most people don't know what a healthy relationship should look like. All we know is what we grew up with and what we have experienced. It takes effort to make a relationship work. It takes even more effort to try to make the wrong relationship work. It is important to take time to learn what a great and healthy relationship should look like. Hire a dating or relationship coach, attend relationship seminars or even seek counseling in order to learn about healthy relationships. When you are able to identify what a healthy relationship looks like for you, then you are able to stay focused on the key characteristics you are looking for and will not settle for anything less than extraordinary.

Recognizing and understanding these common mistakes is critical in helping you make better dating and relationship decisions. You can learn from your past by identifying your unique mistakes if you are willing to be open and honest with yourself. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. How is it that I have come to all this knowledge about dating? It's because I have made all of the mistakes above...and many more. Many times our best lessons come from our mistakes. Learn from your mistakes; learn from my mistakes and start to make better decisions about the people you date and relationships you enter into.

If you or someone you know has questions about dating, please send them to me at rick@luv4alifetime.com.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement.  He is an astute observer of people and relationship issues.  Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit through his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions.