Traditions come and go as we move through life! #Dating #Love #Relationships

Traditions come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Some of them involve family, some involve friends, some involve sporting events, some involve holidays and the list goes on. In general, there is something comforting about tradition. They seem to give us a sense of family, community, friendship and connection to others. It can also be a time of great stress for some.

Over the past week I have been reminiscing about family and personal traditions and how they change as we travel through life. We have traditions that are instilled in us as children by our parents. Then there are the traditions we develop as we grow and move out on our own. The next phase of traditions comes when we connect with someone and become a couple. When we get married and create our own family, we may again start new traditions. And then, as we get divorced or experience the loss of a spouse, some of our traditions change again.

This year I have noticed that I miss some of the traditions of the past such as watching (or listening to) my favorite Christmas movies while I am doing my Christmas baking. I miss gathering on the couch as a family to watch some of the Christmas cartoon specials we watched as children and then shared with my daughter as she grew up.

When we enter the single world again we can try to maintain many of our traditions, but it can become difficult for any number of reasons. The point is that some traditions just can't be maintained. I broke a couple of traditions this year just to try something new. I spent Thanksgiving with a few single people from church. For Christmas, I spent time with family (which I haven't done in 8 years due to distance and time commitments). Normally I would spend these holidays alone for a couple of reasons. First, I enjoy my own cooking along with the leftovers. Second, I enjoy the solitude at a time of year when life seems to veer out of control with holiday parties, over crowded stores, short tempered people, a general lack of remembrance of what the holidays are about and then there is the traffic with road rage in full and glorious display!

This year I missed my traditional quiet time. Please don't misunderstand, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with friends from church and some of the best quality time with my dad that I can ever remember! But, it was not the quiet, peaceful time that I have become accustomed to. Would I change a thing this year? No way! It was just a different year. Will I make these new events holiday traditions? Time will tell.

I have found that most traditions are best when they are shared with someone special. God bless you if you have that special someone in your life. If you don't, let's start the new year out right, gain clarity about what you want and focus on creating new traditions with someone special in 2016.

Thank you all for a great 2015 and here's looking to an exciting 2016. May God bless you all with good health and prosperity in the coming year! 

If you or someone you know has questions about dating, please send them to me at rick@luv4alifetime.com.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement. He is an astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit from his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. Date consciously and settle for nothing less than extraordinary in your next relationship.

What are you thinking...or are you? #Love #Relationships #Dating

It's Christmas Eve Eve as I write this. It is normally a time when I would be a little more sentimental about coming to the end of another year, about my blessings and about the great people that have come into my life this year. However, I have noticed a decided increase in the number of stories I am hearing about bad dates, bad relationships and how terrible dating can be in the Kansas City area. Maybe it's just because the holidays are upon us and we all desire to be happy and spending time with someone special at this time of year.

Most of us have heard horror stories of bad dates, poor on-line dating experiences and generally a lack of quality people to meet (where ever you live). You may have even had a few bad experiences yourself!

If you have had mostly poor dating experiences, maybe the problem does not lie within the general process of on-line dating, the people on the on-dating sites or the availability of quality people to date. If it's not that, what could it be? (Please read that last sentence with a hint of sarcasm!) Maybe it's time to take a look inside. After all, you are the common denominator in all of your dates and relationships!

As I have mentioned in another blog a few weeks back, most people are not crystal clear about what they want in a relationship. They have only vague ideas of what is important to them and sort of stumble into and out of relationships and not taking the whole dating process seriously. Yet, they will be the first to complain that they can't find a great man/woman to date!

People, it's time to get serious about your dating life! It's time to become crystal clear about what you want in your relationship. Rather than work on a list of New Year's resolutions (most of which you won't keep), start work on your list of relationship makers...the list of qualities and characteristics you want in your next mate. As soon as you start working on your list of relationship makers and deal breakers, you will start to gain clarity about the person you want in your life.

This one simple process will help you focus on the important things to you in a relationship. You will be able to stop wasting time dating the wrong people and you will start looking for people that are better suited to your wants, needs and desires. If you have a problem figuring out what is important to you or where to look, send me a note and I will pass on some simple ideas for you.

Are you ready to get serious about finding your extraordinary relationship in 2016?

If you or someone you know has questions about dating, please send them to me at rick@luv4alifetime.com.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement. He is an astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit from his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. Date consciously and settle for nothing less than extraordinary in your next relationship.

What do you need from each other to make your relationship work? #Dating #Love #Relationships #Loveforalifetime

I was challenged with this question recently and it has caused me to do some deep soul searching about what is truly important to me. There are many frivolous answers that can be spewed out like "A cold beer when I walk in the door.", "A home cooked dinner ready when I get home.", "Let me watch the ball game uninterrupted." or even "Great sex regularly." She might say "To give me some alone time in the tub (or a spa day).", "Come shopping with me.", "Put your laundry in the hamper." or maybe "A date night or dinner and dancing." All of these things can be positive in a relationship, but you need to go deeper than that!

Communication is something that is vitally important to all relationships. Can you talk about anything and everything? Really? Are you sure about that? Or...are you just communicating at a superficial level? Can you and are you sharing your deepest thoughts (and fears) with you partner? Are you even able to articulate them or do they just roll around in your head in a nebulous form leaving you wondering why your relationship doesn't feel quite right or that something is missing?

I have found that voicing my innermost thoughts has given way to some very deep intellectual conversations. Of course, I have a safe environment to share these thoughts, ideas and fears. Yes, fears! Relational fears can be fatal to a relationship if they are unspoken and not addressed. Your mate cannot provide what you need if she/he doesn't know what is missing.

The first step is for you to discover what is important to you in your relationship. Next, you have to learn to provide a "safe" environment to share openly and honestly. Finally, you have to learn to share you deepest thoughts, ideas and fears with each other. Only then can you learn how to truly satisfy each others needs. Be brutally honest with each other. Learn to share you deepest emotions with each other. Only then will you be able to determine how to best serve each other and make your relationship extraordinary.

When you are able to have these great conversations, you will also have to be prepared to face the possibility that one or both of you may not be able to provide what the other truly needs. If this is the case, then you may have to have the discussion of whether it makes sense to continue the relationship. This situation is easiest when the relationship is new. If you have been together for a while, the short-term decision may be very painful. However, in the long-run you will both be better off not expecting something from a partner that could not provide whatever support you may need. Taking time to find the partner that you can be supportive of and can be supportive of you will make you both happier people in the long run.

Now, I'm going to challenge you with the same question! What do you need from your mate to make your relationship work? Share your thoughts and ideas with us.

If you or someone you know has questions about dating, please send them to me at rick@luv4alifetime.com.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement. He is an astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit from his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. Date consciously and settle for nothing less than extraordinary in your next relationship.

Do you know how to say I'm #sorry? #Dating #Love #Relationship #Loveforalifetime

One of the most difficult things in life for many (if not most) of us is to say "I'm sorry"! It generally means that you did or said something wrong and that you hurt someone. No one wants to be wrong, and when we are, we generally don't want to admit it. We think it makes us look foolish, lose respect from others or makes us look weak. Then there is the pain of humiliation and we all know how much fun that is!

One of the great truths of life is that saying "I'm sorry" with genuine humility is one of the greatest attributes you can develop. Being able to swallow your pride for a very short period of time and taking true responsibility for your actions is a virtue. Instead of looking foolish, being disrespected and weak, apologizing (sincerely) usually has the opposite effect. People around you will usually have more respect for you and see that as a sign of strength of character.

In a relationship, we often will gloss over our mistakes and hope that our lover will too. We may even gloss over the mistakes of our lover. However, avoiding taking responsibility for our actions starts to take its toll on a relationship. Over time, glossing over or ignoring situations can have an ever deepening negative impact on your relationship until one day, there is no more forgiveness. Once you reach this point, there may be no trust and no respect left in the relationship.

Learning to say "I'm sorry" and meaning it is not easy. Many times it means swallowing your pride and being humbled. It means having to open yourself up to being vulnerable and this is never easy, especially for men.

If you are wrong, consider the impact of an apology. Even if you were right, sometimes it is best to say "I'm sorry. I was wrong in the way I handled the situation." When you develop the courage to take responsibility for a situation, not only will you gain respect from you mate or others around you, you will develop a much sought after character trait. Be brave! Learn to take responsibility for your actions and learn to say "I'm sorry".

If you or someone you know has questions about dating, please send them to me at rick@luv4alifetime.com.

If you enjoyed this article, please Like and Share on Facebook with your friends.  You can subscribe to my weekly blog at http://luv4alifetimellc.blogspot.com/

For information on workshops, events and coaching go to luv4alifetime.com/seminars.html.

About the author.

Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement. He is an astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.  You can benefit from his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions. Date consciously and settle for nothing less than extraordinary in your next relationship.